Out and About – Week of December 16th

If you haven’t already heard, as of this date, I still have not had my by-pass surgery. It seems that the people at Priority Health have not communicated with each other and as a result, have not approved my surgery. Therefore, we are playing the “waiting game”. My surgeon has been almost as upset as I am. Meanwhile, please enjoy these columns and I’ll keep you all advised. This waiting experience will provide at least one good column later.

-If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
-The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
-A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
-Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
-The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field.
-The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
-Butterflies taste with their feet.
-The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
-Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
-Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
-An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
-Starfish have no brains.

Here are 11 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity:

-Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
-Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
-As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
-At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
-Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
-Specify that your drive-thru order is “To Go”.
-Sing along at the opera.
-Go to a Poetry Recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
-When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I WON, I WON!!”
-When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling “RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, THEY’RE LOOSE!!”
-Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”

See you Out and About!

Submitted by Norm Stutesman